On a hot summer night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?

It’s a long weekend.

You know what happens on long weekends? Local people go camping.
With shitloads of cars, boats, kids, bikes… & alcohol.

I’m still trying to grow my eyebrows back after last months long weekend/pit toilet extravaganza, where 100-200 people descended on the peaceful Waroona Dam, south-east of Perth, & its TWO available loos.


This was just a fraction of the crowd…and boats.

Each morning started with the breakfast of champions, a can of coke & a cigarette, & the irritating sounds of nature were drowned out by the gentle hum of generators, speed boats, & 4x4s doing doughnuts in the mud at the edge of the dam.

It was blissful.

The nights were hot so all van vents & windows were open to full capacity. This was great because it let in all the second hand cigarette smoke & meant we could enjoy the entire soundtrack for the weekend, as it was played by our surrounding neighbours. It involved a whole lot of Meat Loaf, Foreigner, Jimmy Barnes (naturally), The Eagles & a bit of Neil Diamond, punctuated by intermittent bursts of raucous laughter, some inappropriate language at decibel, the unmistakeable sound of someone ‘taking a piss’ right near our van, & a few verses of “Oi, Narelle! Show us ya tits, woodja?!” To which Narelle was, apparently, obliging.

After all the alcohol was consumed they went to bed.
Only rise the next morning, surprisingly early, to head up to the pit toilets & scar me FOR LIFE.

This wasn’t merely about pubes on the seat. We have gone WAY past that being an issue anymore, thanks princess.
Nor wasn’t about just shutting your eyes to block out the trauma, or using your new found foot dexterity to open/close lids/doors, or doing your best to hover.

It was the first time I’d ever walked into a loo & almost instantly vomited.

The Alcoholic Grog Bogs of the masses had gone & done me in. It was too late to back out so I quickly wrapped my hoodie round my face, eys watering, & hurried on for dear life.

In my panic I couldn’t decide whether to breathe through my mouth or my nose! I didn’t want to smell it, but I didn’t want to taste it either! And, by God, could you taste it. It was like some sort of chemical warfare had been waged in the Peel district of WA.

I burst out of that cubicle gasping for air & heaving into the bushes. All I could think of was this guy saying:

“There’xs a xsmell in here that will outlaxst religion”.

After that I vigorously flossed my teeth & held everything until we went into town during the day so I could use the nice clean bathroom at the tourist centre.

Besides the dam at Waroona, they also have a weir.
It was nicer. But no camping.


 Fresh air. No motorised boats. Grassy areas & picnic tables to sit at, free BBQs, & a good spot to swim.

We also happened to be in town on just the right weekend for this…

Rural Cinema
For $10 we took our popcorn, pillows & sleeping bags down to the local cricket ground to watch the kid’s movie ‘Transylvania’.
With the pre-movie entertainment (local boys singing) it was such a good night.

The Drakesbrook Hotel (the local) loured us in with the promise of $3 pints all day & it didn’t disappoint.
Their entire meal was that nice ‘Deep Fried Gold’ colour but the kids ate free & we ate very well. It wasn’t just a massive meal, it was a good one too.
     
You can’t tell from the photo but that pile of calamari was about as big as my head.


This long weekend the only things that are different to the last are the scenery & the soundtrack.
We’re at Sandy Cape, near Jurien Bay.





T'here’s cars, boats & kids everywhere, & ‘Beer O’clock’ is at 8AM.

There’s a hardworking caretaker here so the toilets are physically cleaner, but the midmorning aroma can still induce vomiting at 50 paces.

The soundtrack, while still involving Meat Loaf, is a little more acoustic this time, what with the guitars & the howling singing running well into the evening. It would almost be enjoyable if they knew much more than the chorus of every song they sing. 

We’re not far from here…

The Pinnacles

… & just up the road is Stockyard Gully National Park where we got to wander through Stockyard Tunnel. Torches were a necessity.


There’s a seasonal creek that runs right through it & these guys, my only real allergy, were hanging around everywhere…
My throat was swelling just looking!
   
We took our time, had a good look. I considered trying to re-enact part of My Girl but, given I barely resemble a 10yr old Macaulay Culkin & don’t carry adrenalin on my person, I changed my mind.


The Easter Bunny managed to find us but, at the 11th hour, Elegant Rabbit took a turn for the worse.
He ended up in a critical condition requiring emergency surgery, a complete facial reconstruction, & a full body cast. There’s a good chance he’ll never hop again.
Emerson couldn’t have cared less.

Somehow he had gotten the idea that easter eggs were, in fact, potatoes wrapped in coloured foil. So when he got up in the morning & saw them scattered all over the van all we got was “YEH! Potatoes! I wub them ebry time!”

I think he’s Irish.


It hasn’t been all sunshine & light around here.
We had a good, old fashioned, storm at the start of the week which shook the van all night, left tents down & water all over the place.
Some of us, those who slept through the entire thing, enjoyed it though.
  

So as the sun sets on this magnificent long weekend I hope you all had a lovely time, camping or no camping.

I’m sure I did.

And if you wouldn’t mind joining in the clapping as we fade out together…

You took the words right out-a my mouth *clap-clap, clap*
It must have been while you were kissen me
You took the words right out-a my mouth *clap-clap, clap*
It must have been while you were kissen me
You took the words right OUT-A MY MOUTH *clap-clap, clap*
IT MUST HAVE BEEN WHILE YOU WERE KISS-EN ME!…

How long til the next long weekend?

School holidays!
Oh shit.